There are some days when I look in the mirror and think, danggg girl, you are working it today. But other days, I resort to picking myself apart and criticizing every inch of myself. I have struggled with body image issues all my life, with two periods of time being the most prominent: high school and the months after having Asher.
In high school, I struggled with acne. Not that high schoolers are scrutinizing enough right? I was never made fun of for it (to my knowledge), but the torture I put myself through was worse. I thought that I did not deserve a boyfriend because of it-how messed up was that thinking? I tried everything..creams, lotions, proactiv, dermatologist appointments, harsh prescriptions, etc. Finally (when i was in college) a prescription finally worked, but I was also left with scars. Physical and emotional. I still to this day deal with those scars.
My husband has mended many of the emotional scars with his sweet words and love that he shows me everyday. If you know me, I am NOT a mushy person, but my husband...well he is passionate so if you want to call it mushy you can- LOL. Since meeting him five years ago, there has not been a day that he has not told me how beautiful I am. His love has turned into me having self love for who I am and the skin I am in! Love you BAE.
So I have dealt with the emotional scarring, but what about the actual physical scars that I wake up to see every morning? Yup, they still bother me. So much so sometimes that when we go to a restaurant, I have to sit with the worst side of my face facing the wall so that no one sees them. If that is not real for you, I do not know what is?! Haha! I am a believer in healing coming out of sharing your vulnerabilities and insecurities. So..I have taken a picture that I have been avoiding for years. NO filter. NO makeup. As my dude Kendrick Lamar states, "I am so sick and tired of the photoshop, show me something natural". I'm with ya :) It is about dang time to stop the self-hate and realize that the people around me do not care about the scars. Most importantly, I am a daughter of the KING, and made in His image. I am captivating to Him.
You're probably wondering why the heck I named this post "Mermaid Legs". Mermaid legs are ones with no thigh gaps-meaning you are one step closer to becoming a mermaid! Cute huh? :) This explains my legs perfectly, I have not had a thigh gap since my soccer days in college when we were running 5+ miles a day. And I am ok with this. There are some days when I am trolling Instagram and I see a blogger with smaller legs and they look soo cute. I think to myself, "Man if I just had skinnier legs, I would look better in these shorts/jenas". Then I snap out of it because I realize why my legs are not "skinny"... and that is our beautiful boy Asher!
If you have gone through a pregnancy, you know that it changes eeeeeverything about your body. I am talking about everything! Nowadays I have to mentally prepare myself when I sneeze so that pee does not come out. HAHAHA!!! And the hips are never ending. Some women's frame goes right back to how it was pre-baby but mine did not, and may never. I struggled with this new body for a few months, but when I started working out again, I gained a NEW confidence about my new shape.
My advice to women who struggle with body confidence is to NEVER COMPARE yourself to anyone. This is hard. You can jump on any form of social media right now and compare yourself to everyone on your feed and start with the "what ifs" but you will drive yourself crazy! Find the things that you like about your body, enhance them. And the things you dislike, figure out why you dislike them.. is it because you are comparing? or wishing for something you had before? Stop comparing because there is only ONE you, and if you are wanting to return to your old shape, use it as motivation to return to that, but do not hate yourself until you get back to that- love and enjoy the process, because your body is BEAUTIFUL and one of a kind!
Sending love to all you MERMAIDS ;)